Stupid brain

Posted on April 21, 2020 by A Dreamer

So, sometimes in the middle of the night I decide I’m too hot, and kick off all the blankets, and then 3 minutes later decide I’m too cold and turn myself into a burrito. Then I’m too hot again, and stick one leg out from under the covers and somehow this works.

Under normal circumstances, this is just how I sleep. Now, half my brain is just trying to get to that perfect temperature, and the asshole half of my brain is going, “YOU GOT IT, YOU DUMBASS!”

That being said, morning temp 95.3° and I’m having my coffee in my happy Arizona mug that I got at spring training to try to get into a brighter headspace. I looked at this mug in the hotel gift shop every day, and despite having too many mugs already, it was too cheery to pass up. I mean, look at it!

A red latte mug with flowering cactus and yellow trim

From better times

My masks from Dr Pussums Catnip company arrived, and they’re great. They’re bright and cheery and have a filter pocket and have strings vs. elastics, which is great. They’re a little big, but a quick roll up of the bottom and it’s a perfect fit. $8 each, they ship within 24 hours, and got here in just a few days. I’m weirdly excited to give these a proper go the next time I have to run an errand.

An assortment of brightly colored fabric face masks.

If we’ve gotta do this, might as well have some fun with it.

They are not kidding about “wash these, they’ve been with catnip” – I opened the package and Lily was immediately, “Whoa, hey, what are these awesome catnip toys WITH STRINGS!??!” Very good thing I got her some catnip goodies of her own in the order. As always, her comfort and delight comes first.

Welp, time to go flail my way through another workday. Stay safe, stay sane, eat as many carbs as you need to.

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Oh look, it’s Monday again

Posted on April 20, 2020 by A Dreamer

Day…ooh, 39! Look at us not going anywhere but the grocery store for that many days. (OK, liquor store twice in there, but it’s not my fault they don’t sell Jamesons in the grocery store like they do in other states.)

AND HEY, IT’S 4/20! I do not partake, but Lily is getting high off her catnip pizza this morning. To those who were able to take a PTO day and are lighting up a bowl and checking out – enjoy.

In “I have definitely hit middle age” news – the new humidifier is the bees knees. Lily has already hit the “fine, whatever” stage of its existence in the bedroom, and I woke up without feeling like I had rocks in my nose. That’s really nice!

I also got one of those cleaning balls for the tank, and of course I got the fish-shaped one, so technically, Lily has an aquarium now.

OK, time to go flail through work where I try to figure out if my coworkers are:
A) Just handling all this exceptionally well
B) Faking it
C) A bunch of sociopaths who just don’t care

But, I’ve got a big honking tumbler of cold brew and I’m awake enough to sort of function, so let’s do this!

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Cookies!

Posted on April 19, 2020 by A Dreamer

Chocolate chip/butterscotch and they are delicious.

Chocolate chip/butterscotch cookies on a cooling rack.

And why didn’t it occur to me before now to use parchment paper with cookies?? NO BAKING SHEETS TO WASH! No stuck cookies!

I’d thought about making a loaf of french bread, or pound cake today, but it turns out cookies are all I’ve got in me today, unless I catch a second wind. I mean I was never a weekend whirlwind to start with, but this perpetual exhaustion is getting old. (Yes, I realize there is a whole load of disabled folks giving me side-eye right now, and rightfully so.)

I realize most of my “can I just sleep through this, please?” is just the constant layer of stress/anxiety brought on by this pandemic, made SO much worse by watching the administration just fuck it up and make it all worse at every opportunity. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel because these assholes are blowing up the damn tunnel.

I do at least have some level of faith in Virginia’s government. But, so much depends on adequate testing that we just do not have. So, even if they say it’s safe to do some normal things again, if we’re not testing enough…

So, I’ve really got to figure out some good ways to get breaks from this – except all the things that are breaks for me are closed. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

That being said, I took a break in the midst of writing this and took a good long walk and well, fuck, it helped. 🤣 I see a whole other string of consciousness post on my shitty coping mechanisms and getting in fights with my brain.

In silly cat news – I’ve got the humidifier going today to see how quickly it goes through the water, and I went upstairs & Lily was kittyloafing on the bed just *staring* at it. I picked it up and brought it to her so she could feel the mist (cold mist/no oil, can’t hurt her, just make her a bit damp) and she was a bit “Ewh, ick, oh, ohh, wait, that’s kinda nice.” Hopefully she will not decide to block it the way she like to block the heat vents.

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Some lighter notes…

Posted on April 18, 2020 by A Dreamer

My humidifier arrived yesterday!

A small pink and white humidifier.

Mmm, humidity

I fired it up for my Saturday afternoon snooze, and even in an hour there was a noticeable difference in my nasal comfort, for lack of a better description.
Only bummer is I can’t use the Vicks packs that you can add to the water, because it can be really bad for Lily, but that’s an easy sacrifice to make.

Unfortunately it ran out of water halfway overnight because I didn’t have it fully filled and didn’t realize how quickly it would go through the water (auto-shutoff FTW, no burnt out motors) but even without it being on all night, it still helped. Already have it filled to the max for tonight.

And brave miss Lily – while she eyed it with suspicion, she did not flee the room in terror!

In other news, so far the weekend has been me repeatedly asking myself, “Am I hungry or am I bored?” Never did fully figure out the answer, but I’m making cookies today, so that should solve both problems for a little while.

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So, about those lockdown protestors

Posted on April 18, 2020 by A Dreamer

They can eat a bag of dicks as far as I am concerned. And 45 being all “Liberate Virginia” with the bonus 2nd Amendment garbage…well, by now you all know how I feel about that asshole.

If these assholes weren’t putting other people in danger with these protests, I wouldn’t give a shit if they all ended up testing positive. But of course, they can’t think about who they might be hurting because they’re getting bored staying at home and decided it would be fun to go have a white supremacist rally. (Michigan – Proud Boys.)

And as far as Virginia and the 2nd Amendment… Those regulatory bills were going to get signed pandemic or not. 45 and his knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing troglodyte followers can fuck right off. Liberate Virginia, my ass.

Fuck, I am not completely unsympathetic here. Being unemployed in normal times is scary, and even more so now. Being stuck at home sucks. Trying to homeschool kids when you don’t normally homeschool your kids is hard, and sucks. In short, everything kinda sucks right now.

But we can’t just open everything up again and pretend it’s all normal. That will hurt a lot of people and get folks killed.

I miss going to my bar every weekend. I am in desperate need of hair salon services. I would love to go have my Saturday breakfast at my diner. I did not realize until now how much of an ingrained ritual it was to pop into Starbucks and say good morning to everyone until now, and I miss that, too. I want to sit down an watch a ballgame that is actually happening *now* like you would not believe.

All of those “breaks from life” – I miss them, and it’s really hard to not have them and have this hovering over us 24/7 with few ways to escape. It’s all hard right now. It takes a toll on your mental and physical health.

Only being able to go to the store and for walks isn’t exactly exciting, but it’s not nothing. We’re not locked in. We can do this.

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Another Friday

Posted on April 17, 2020 by A Dreamer

It’s getting to be like Groundhog Day around here… But hey, you’re here, you made it another week, and that’s a success these days. Woke up *not* all stiff this morning because I did my usual flailing about in my sleep and kept everything unfrozen, which made for a great wake up.

So, the Cheeto in Chief’s plan to reopen is at least semi-coherent, but is completely dependent on massive levels of testing, which we don’t have, so, it’s kinda shit.

As much as I am NOT enjoying any of this, I’d rather stay in longer than open everything up and have cases & deaths spike again. (And not gonna lie, I would be pissed that all this fucking staying in kinda went to waste.)

And we could do it, IF THE FEDS WOULD GIVE PEOPLE MONEY TO STAY HOME. Then they could pay their bills, maybe get some fun things, and in the process, keep the economy limping along. But god forbid we just give people cash.

Had a realization yesterday – now that the market is doing the 20% capacity thing – I can just go basically whenever, rather than trying to go at lunch when it’s less crowded – might have to wait to get in, but the waiting area is actually inside, so, I can just go right after work now or in the middle of the day on the weekend, which I’d been avoiding for…almost two months now? So, that’s a good thing.

So, does anyone else have these fleeting flashes of “well, if this is the new normal, I am going to kickass!!”? I did the other morning… I’ll get up earlier! I’ll eat better! Daily yoga and weight work again! I’ll walk at lunch and after work every day! I’ll clean house! I’ll work on my artistic pursuits!!

Folks, I’ve eaten two salads and had a glass of juice while my morning coffee has been brewing since that thought, and that’s it, LOL. Well, I did wake up early this morning, but it was kind of on accident, and as I sit here enjoying my coffee and the BBC news, I don’t think it’s going to translate into logging on to work early.

Last night, we broke a 30+ day streak of eating in and got pizza. Lily missed pizza nights more than I had realized – this happened somewhere between the first slice coming out of the box and going back for a second:

Lily, a black and orange tortoiseshell cat, happily curled up on a warm pizza box.

Mmm, warm pizza box

Have a nice, calm day.

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A bleary eyed good morning

Posted on April 16, 2020 by A Dreamer

Day..holy shit, 35.

Woke up this morning with a stiff & owie neck & shoulders and I know why – this happens when I sleep and apparently forget to actually move at all. (Plus needing new mattress & pillows doesn’t help.) Fixed almost immediately with some cussing and stretching, but when you’re in the midst of a pandemic where “body aches” could be a symptom, your first thoughts on waking up end up being WHERE IS THE THERMOMETER???

97.1 Whew. I mean, it’s a little higher than usual, but within the normal range I’ve established in the last month. (Another weird pandemic thing…)

But, just not the way you want to wake up, especially on top of a night where the LilyMonster decided she MUST get into the guest room. (There is no wildlife in there, she would just keep breaking in and just standing in the middle of the room, because, REASONS.) She’s just not allowed in there as there is just too much trouble she can get into. Weekend project: fix the door so it fully latches again.

I am just so frustrated at the talk of “opening things back up” – especially with the group of chucklefucks that have been picked to figure this out. We just can’t. Virginia hasn’t even tested 1% of the population and we have an infection rate of almost 15% of those tested right now, and we haven’t even hit our peak. Sure, we have to think about how we’re going to do this and come up with a solid plan, but these idiots are gonna rush it and we’ll just be fucked again.

Yeah, we’re gonna have a recession. It’s a given. And the government is failing people left and right here – jesus, GIVE PEOPLE MONEY TO STAY HOME. Just do it. No means testing, just give them money. For a while. A $1200 one-time, front-end means-tested payment is shit. Though it’s exactly what I’d expect these days. The IRS can’t even tell me if I am eligible – I know the answer is probably not, but jesus, it would be nice to have it to tuck away for later.

My company isn’t going to feel recession effects right away – it will be delayed as companies either don’t switch to our software, or downgrade support plans when they renew. So, I’m concerned about later – and have resigned myself to a layoff at some point, as my position is pretty much a luxury in my department. I have some security on a special project I’m working on, but that should be done in June, then I suspect all bets are off. And of course, the expanded unemployment ends in July. So, yeah, another thing to prep for. I’d love to take a mental health day here soon, but it’s hard to shake the feeling of “save that vacation payout”. Ugh. It’s not that I’m slacking off at work by any means, but there are good days and not great days, and I know how these things work well enough that they’ll remember the slowdown in productivity and forget the pandemic part when decision making time comes around.

And in other things I’d probably not even notice in normal times… Despite the fact that we very much need the dehumidifier we have in the basement, it seems I need a humidifier in my room. I routinely wake up feeling like there are rocks in my nose and I have a little thermometer/humidistat in there, and the humidity is routinely under 40%. I swear to god, any and all bar tab savings have been eaten up by other random assed things I need in a pandemic.

Speaking of random assed things you need in a pandemic, I’ve given up on my no-sew masks. My bandanas are apparently are of a far too high quality and I can’t breathe in them cause they’re so nice & thick, so I’ve ordered some pre-made ones – from a catnip toy company on the recommendation of a Twitter friend. (Lily got some catnip goodies out of the deal to boot.) I had hesitating on ordering any before now as I wanted several, as I didn’t want just one that would have to be immediately laundered (I am currently putting my used ones in grocery bags and tossing them down the laundry chute to be done as part of regular laundry) – and upon opening the page, they had info on bulk orders. Well, 5 ladies & 5 gents masks it is then.

Well, time to go give it the old college try at work. Here’s a Lily, fresh off some morning zooms.

Lily, a black and orange tortoiseshell cat, sitting on a bookshelf in front of a window.

WHY WON’T YOU LET ME RAISE HELL IN THE GUEST ROOM?

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Happy Easter

Posted on April 12, 2020 by A Dreamer

If you’re a churchgoer and staying home today – I know it must be hard. I know for lots of folks, church is a source of joy & community, both of which are needed now. But – thank you for staying home. It will make a difference.

Here at Chez Cathouse, it’s Easter business as usual for us. I managed to get all the necessary ingredients for brunch, and we have candy!! (Yes, we are two grown ass adults, but Easter requires candy. As does a pandemic.)

And look at this ridiculously cute basket!

Yellow fabric basket decorated to look like a chick

 

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Hey, you made it to Friday!! Day 29

Posted on April 10, 2020 by A Dreamer

And that is not nothing these days. I’m proud of you.

The VDOT NoVa account pointed out it has been a month this morning, and my first thought was “no, day 1 was March 13 and today is… oh shit, yeah, it has been a month”. Time is weird.

In some good news, the 4/8 update of the Covid19 Health Data site says Virginia will peak on 4/20 (insert weed joke here) – but even the absolute max beds is under our capacity, so it seems all this staying in may be working.

So, in this last month, I’ve developed some weird habits. Well, maybe not weird now, but if you’d asked me 2 months ago – I’d say they were weird. What I’m wondering now is how hard it’s going to be to shake some of these down the road or if some of these are going to be permanent dings to my mental state.

– Changing clothes to go to the market. Can’t wait to be able to ditch that one. Inside/outside clothes is just not for me. I’m doing way too much laundry these days. (Though if there was ever a time to have a broken water meter that won’t be replaced until the after times and billing based on prior use, this is it.)

– Treating every incoming package as a potential biohazard. I’ve been opening things outside and ditching the packaging immediately in the outside trash, and/or things go sit in the dining room with a towel plopped over it and they get added to my “decontamination time” Evernote list with dates of safe to mess with. Not sure how easy it’s going to be to stop that without getting itchy. (As it is, my brother brought a package in yesterday and put it in my spot on the couch. We did not come to blows or anything, but I was a bit “ACK! NO!” He graciously took the couch blanket to the laundry, LOL.) I’ve never wished more for a mudroom or garage. Or been happier that I’ve continued the “couch blanket for dog hair” even years after having a dog.

– Making my own coffee. I’ve gotten quite good at it, but the second my Starbucks is back open, I WILL BE THERE. It’s become a very nice way to get my day started over the years and I really miss my Starbucks folks and enjoyed seeing everyone and saying good morning every day.

– The moment I open a container of whatever in the kitchen, adding it to the grocery list so I always have an unopened backup of basically everything. That one is going to be a LOT harder to shake, I can tell already. That 3/13 trip to the market where everything was just WIPED OUT left has been a bigger whack to my psyche than anything else so far. I mean, we’re not talking hoarding levels or anything that extreme, but like last week when I made meatloaf and realized I didn’t have a unopened bottle of 57 sauce ready when the one in the fridge was finished, I got a little twitchy until I was able to make sure one was sitting in the pantry.

– Keeping track of where I’ve been & when. I started doing this at the beginning of March. I’m not totally sure what made me decide to do it, but I guess I thought we’d actually be doing contact tracing (HA!) and thought it would be good to be able to know where I’d been and when. It takes up all of maybe a minute of my day, and I don’t see myself stopping that one for quite a while.

– Crowded places. Yeah, that may take a while. I didn’t really love crowded places to start with, and now when I see people too close together on TV shows, I am very “HEY, SOCIAL DISTANCE!!” At least when I go to my little bar, it’s very late, and very not wall to wall people.

So yeah, there is a lot bouncing around my head this morning.

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I miss…

Posted on April 9, 2020 by A Dreamer

Grocery shopping not being this whole *ordeal* – I liked just you know, going and getting my stuff. (I am fully aware this is a repeat of last weeks rant.)

Now it’s hold off as long as possible, but get in and out as fast as you can, and pick the right time, and don’t forget the mask, and wipes for the basket/trolley since they might be out, and just be ready for everything you need to not be there, oh, and use self checkout except for the fact that you have too much for it, because you held out for so long.

My store is going to start marking the aisles one way, which is actually *great* and I couldn’t be happier about that. They’ve put up plexiglass at the customer service desk and the checkouts, which I also like – not so much for me, but for the folks working there.

They’re also doing early-bird-elderly hours, from 6-7, which works fine for me as even if I go before work, I’m never there before 7.

But, they’re now limiting entry to 20% of store capacity starting today. I don’t even know how many people that is. I mean, when I go, it’s rarely been crowded at all as far as I could tell, but were we near 20%? I had really been hoping to avoid the whole lining up just to get *inside* the store bit. (I don’t have an actual issue with it, I just have no idea what this is going to look like in practice.)

And the last little insult to injury… They’d prefer folks not bring the reusable bags for the time being. This is totally reasonable and rational, and I agree with it wholeheartedly. But guess who finally JUST got REALLY, REALLY GOOD about remembering not only to have the reusable bags in the car, but to actually bring them in the shop, too??? (Plus, they hold so much more than the plastic bags! I have come to love them so much!)

Yes, I am plotting out my next shopping trip this morning, why do you ask?

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