When God made humans and they said, “You took a perfectly good monkey and gave it anxiety.”

I don’t remember any of the dreams I had this morning, but they were all anxiety laden. It would seem that the closer we get to the magic two-weeks-post-vaccination day, the less ready I am for it. The fact that it will coincide with dropping all capacity limits is probably not helping. I wasn’t a huge fan of crowds to begin with, and we’re gonna have a rush of folks deciding to go Do Things all at once.

I’ve kinda sorta made peace with the absolutely dumbass decision by the Governor, and going out and about is now an exercise in people watching. We’re now over 47% vaccinated in the county, but I’m only seeing maybe 5-10% of people chucking their masks. At the market this morning, a guy was checking out – no mask – and excitedly sharing that he got the J&J shot and his wife got the Pfizer one. So it seems some folks are a bit self-conscious about it all. Of course, he also had an unmasked kid with him, who didn’t look over 12. *sigh* So close, my dude, so close.

And while I tell everyone else to be kind to themselves cause this is all going to take some time to get used to – I’m also mad at myself that I’m going to get my hair done this Friday and then probably not leave the house again for three months, LOL. There are many things I’d like to do, but I also don’t want to have a fucking panic attack in the attempt, and the fact that I have to factor that into my decision making, well… brains are really fucking stupid.

Throw in the work nonsense and I could really use one more day of the weekend to just be allowed to quietly exist. My god, retirement can’t come soon enough. Yo, managers – that thing you think is a “great opportunity” may be something your employee has zero interest in, and all you’re doing is stressing them out.

And then last night, I had to get something out of the carport and turned on the light and forgot to turn it off, and this morning it was filled with cicadas, most of them deceased. :( I get that they were attracted by the light, but I’m not sure there should have been so many dead ones. While it’s no big deal to just sweep them into the side garden so I can get the work done I have planned today, it’s still a little sad.

But, on the flip side, in the past couple days, we’ve really been able to hear them in the trees, so there are plenty of them still out there having their happy bug rave and getting the next generation going. I’m not sure when I went from “these things are fucking terrifying” to “these things are so freakin’ cool and I love them and OH NO WHY ARE SO MANY OF THEM DEAD ALREADY?!” but here we are.

Now it’s time to go work on stabilizing Lily’s tunnel platform – it developed a bit of the leans over the course of the winter. Thinking that tightening up the screws on the brackets and adding some additional support with 2×1 garden stakes on the interior corners should do the trick. And hopefully some time banging nails in the sun will help me get out of my own head today.