Musings of a marginally sane feline-appreciating female.

Thought I was doing OK-ish, but I’m also realizing my stress/anxiety/rage are basically right back where they were 2016-2020 and that jackass hasn’t even taken office yet. I know his first term shortened my lifespan, I feel like I’ll be lucky to not keel over at some point in the second term.

Oh, and the media outlets breathlessly reporting that they’re implementing Project 2025, even though 45 disavowed it! No shit, sherlock, 45 lied! He lies constantly! How do you not fucking know this yet? Oh, his cabinet appointments are all abhorrent trash? You’re surprised?!

IDK, maybe the media shouldn’t have treated him like he was just a senile, racist grandpa that no one wants to be around at Thanksgiving and actually reported on his actual fucking plans so folks weren’t googling “what is a tariff” and “what is project 2025” immediately after the election.

Like, how hard would have been for any major media outlet to say, “If these policies go through, people will get hurt and the cost of survival will go through the fucking roof. Because unless the product you buy has a supply chain that is 100% in the US AND that supply chain doesn’t involve any labor targeted for mass deportation, you’re just fucked. And people you supposedly care about are going to be hurt, because they’ll be targeted for who they are, denied health care, get laid off, and any other number of shit things.”

But Harris’ policies weren’t presented in a pleasing enough font or some shit.

Still cycling through all the emotions. Repeatedly. Whole damn washing machine of feelings. Anger, sadness, hurt, confusion, disbelief, determination, and a slew of others.

And my post-election analysis is as follows: Racism and misogyny on the right. Racism, misogyny, and general dumbassery on the left. I just don’t think it goes much deeper than that. I’m pissed at white men, and I’m even more pissed at white women, and fuck if I know how to make them change their tune.

Much like when Covid hit, I suspect I’ll be writing more. Coping, processing, ranting, repeating myself, etc. Just be warned, LOL.

Coping so far:

• Reached out to a friend who is understandably hurting to make sure she knows she’s not alone, and sent a little gift.
• Started weekly donations to groups who I think will need help. Will be rotating through the food bank, a local LGBTQ+ youth support group, Whitman Walker Clinic, and the animal shelter. Food for the folks & pets that will need it if the economy goes to shit, support for the LGBTQ+ community that will always need it, but even moreso now. Pretty sure these will be my lanes going forward.
• Figured out how to make non-breaded baked chicken breasts that aren’t dry as fuck, and they were awesome. (In times of crisis, we need to eat.)
• Lots of cuddling the cats.

I’ve decided to treat work as a distraction that pays me. I know, “But capitalism and authoritarianism wants you distracted!” But it’s not the same kind of distraction, and this distraction keeps me from despair, and again, pays me, and I can use that money to help others.

When that clicked today, it felt like I’d 100% turned the tables on my employer. But for the love of god, don’t tell them that, if they realize I’m using my 8 hours a day of fiddly spreadsheet time as some fucked up therapy, they’re gonna start charging me for it.

Saw an otherwise fairly sane and knowledgable person going on about “Well, they can’t do things without due process!” The fuck they can’t – due process is the best case scenario, here. And the courts being as fucked as they are, probably the most we can hope for is to slow some things down. But, we help who we can, slow down anything and everything we can, and do the best we can. Some days our best won’t be enough, but some days it will, and we’ll keep going and keep trying.

To do all of this, we also need to stay functional, which will range from the absolutely mundane – sleep, eat well, exercise – to things that will feel downright selfish – stepping back from the news, having fun, creating art, enjoying nice things. But, we gotta be functional to be helpful.

And those are my rambles at the end of this back-to-work-after-a-holiday-weekend Tuesday.

I will not let myself fall into despair, but I also don’t want to go down the toxic positivity path either, so I’m here trying to find a happy medium on how to channel my feelings.

Great post over on Mastodon today from Mekka Okereke:

Black joy isn’t just us having fun. It’s a literal weapon of survival. Seriously!

It sucks that Black people are so good at surviving fascist Americans that wish us harm. But we are. We’re kind of the world’s leading experts on this.

I see lots of folks talking about how to prepare for what’s coming. I’m not saying those preparations are bad, but a lot of it is US-style rugged individualism.

My advice: Find your community. Strengthen those bonds. And find your sources of joy!

This is absolutely excellent advice. Just spot on. Cause you know what Republicans hate? Joy. Because they’re a bunch of self-loathing miserable fucks and want everyone to be as miserable as they are. Joy *confounds* them.

And joy isn’t blissful ignorance or pretending everything is OK.* It puts us in a better place to move forward and help others. It keeps us from despair.

Community can be trickier, especially if the overarching message you got your entire life was “The American Way is to do everything on your own and if you need help, you’re a failure.” Those of us of A Certain Age still remember the virulent backlash to Hillary Clinton saying “It takes a village to raise a child” in 1996. (At the time I really should have been asking “What is *wrong* with these folks?” but I was 24 and dumber than a sack of hammers.)

And those folks who were telling us that individualism was the only way were also teaching us that anarchy was unadulterated chaos, with lots of things on fire, and somehow, cats & dogs living together.  Buy anarchy isn’t about chaos, it’s about *community*.  Let’s get some anarchy up in this bitch.

And it’s all going to look different for everyone, but this has been my day so far in my attempts to Annoy Republicans By Existing And Not Being Miserable:

• Cuddled the kitties. Because Childess Cat Lady is still not an insult!
• Farmer’s Market. Fresh air, exercise, nice people, and I am supporting small local businesses run by all kinds of different people. It is a joyful place for me.
• Commiserated for a few minutes with my favorite baker. It was good to talk about it face to face with someone. (And we didn’t need blue bracelets to know we could talk about it.**)
• Bought fresh vegetables. When Michelle Obama said “Hey, veggies are good for kids” and the R’s just lost their shit – I realized they *hate* vegetables. I don’t understand how the party doesn’t have scurvy and/or rickets. I like to believe that every time I buy a nice salad mix, some random Republican has some weird mystery stabbing pain and has no idea why.
• Signed up for a fused glass class at the arts center at the end of the month. This is a step in looking for like minded folks. (Covid has really upped the difficulty on this stuff.)
• Marked my calendar for when the winter block class registrations open so I can see if there are other multi-week classes.
• Signed up for TransSanta.

They’re small things, but they will keep me going.

* Though if you find yourself needing to take a day and just pretend everything is OK for your sanity, that’s OK. Sometimes we need to do that for ourselves.
** White ladies: We are NOT doing blue bracelets. Absolutely not. It’s meaningless performative bullshit. Just help people.

Well, that was certainly a kick in the teeth. Gawd, this country hates women. 71 million, plus another 10 million that just didn’t show up. I hope those folks get the lives they deserve.

BECAUSE GOD FORBID WE LET THE BLACK LADY TRY AND MAKE OUR LIVES A LITTLE EASIER.

I’m angry and sad and hurt and fucking hell, my country betrayed me yet fucking again. And I know that folks in marginalized communities feel this every damn day of their lives. Honestly, I don’t know why we haven’t burned this whole place to the ground yet.

If you’re not white in the US and you feel all white folks need to be on your “Do Not Trust” list, I don’t blame you one bit. Hell, I’m white and I’ve got about 99% of the white population on that list.

And if someone tells me to wear a blue bracelet or knit a hat and stand around in the street, my response will be in the range of “fuck off” to “punch in the throat.” Not looking forward to the opposition grifters that will inevitably come out of the woodwork.

I’ll be honest, I have very few specific memories of the last term, because trauma fucks with your memory big time. I just remember a fucking constant firehose of horrors. I do still have the list of organizations where you could put your money I posted about 4 years ago.

But I think I’m going to need to find more small, local orgs that will need help. The local food bank comes to mind first. But of course, if this tariff shit goes through, more folks are gonna need help and the rest of us will have less money to do so given that just about everything is gonna cost more, and our income taxes will probably go up, too.

If you’ve decided you need to get out of the country and can swing it – do it. I sure has hell won’t judge you for it. I’ll be sad and angry that it has come to this, but I won’t judge you. Don’t think it hasn’t crossed my mind multiple times leading up to this week.

I don’t know what is going to happen, but I’m pretty sure it won’t be good. I think this time we’re going to see people fight back with violence, and I’ll be hard pressed to condemn it. (I know that does not make me a good person.)

For now, though, I’m just putting together a to-do list.

• Clean the house. I’m calmer when it’s clean and I definitely need that.
• Get forms to renew passport. (Not going anywhere, it’s just good to have.)
• Find local orgs that I can help.
• Get back on my yoga & walking bullshit, cause my mental health is gonna need it.
• Win lottery, leave country, take folks with me.

Let all those feelings you’re having just flow on through – no burying it! Great thing I saw today: Congrats on not letting your feelings become felonies!

Do what you can when you can. Take care of yourselves and those around you.

Lots of bread and comfort food purchased at the farmers market this morning, but I’m sure it’s completely unrelated. (They had stuffing bread. Yes, I now have a loaf of stuffing bread.)

Stopped by the county D’s booth and the phrase “nauseously optimistic” came up yet again – such a perfect phrase for how we’re all feeling. It’s not often I’m happy for the Dodgers to win the World Series, but the last time they did, Trump lost, so, yay Dodgers?

The county GOP booth had a trash can in front of it with a sign that said, “We are not garbage.” Oh, I’m sorry, is it hurtful when people call you names?

We’re still undoing the damage from one Trump term. If he wins again, I will not live long enough to see the additional damage undone. Every male Trump voter needs to be asked “who is going to take care of your children or grandchildren when your wife or daughter is dead from a lack of proper medical care?” Because as far as the R’s are concerned, the only good woman is a dead one.

Unless you are a very rich, white, “Christian” male, nothing about Trump being back in office will bring you (or any of us) any good.

Will a Harris/Walz administration ever be progressive enough for me? Probably not. Will the Democrats continue to drive me up a wall most of the time? Very likely. Do I think Harris & Walz genuinely care about the people in this country and actually want to try to make things a little easier for ALL of us? Absolutely.

I had zero reservations voting for them.

I really hope my fellow white women suck it up and do the same, lying to family if needed. Seriously, act shocked if Harris wins if you have to, but please, please, do not fuck us all – and yourself – over again.

We cannot go back.

We made it again! Well done!

Noticed this week the ol’ seasonal depression is oozing in a bit, highlighted by a lack of appetite/not quite caring enough about myself to eat. (Likely not helped by election stress. So help me god, if my fellow white women betray me again…)

This morning I almost passed on the farmers market, kinda felt like nothing would be appealing. But the one functioning brain cell I had left said, “It’s sunny, perfect hoodie temps, and even if you don’t find a single thing you want to eat, you need fresh air and exercise.”

That brain cell was right. I parked at the far end of the lot, got in a good walk, probably the last cherry tomatoes of the season (freeze watch tonight) other salad goodies, jerk pork, some sausage rolls, and nice loaf of rye bread. (I did make myself a nice turkey-pastrami sandwich today with that bread – not to worry, I am eating, it’s just a bit hard to be arsed about it.)

And one of my favorite bakers had pumpkin pie bars. SO GOOD.

Oh, also got a jar of Moco Black Sauce – new vendor this weekend. Best way to describe it is that it’s like a thick and spicy worcestershire sauce. They had mild/medium/hot and I sampled the medium first, cause I’m white, but not that white. I bought the mild, because it turns out that maybe I am that white, LOL. But it’s tasty and I think could be an interesting cheese accompaniment. (Cheese tray holidays are coming, woohoo!!)

And the walk was good, and the fresh air was good, and being out of the house was good. It’s like going for a stupid walk for my stupid mental health was a good thing. Which also means I need to get back on my bullshit with my yoga, too.

Also got myself some pretty flowers to brighten up the room.

Jorge of the Jungle & the AwesomeSean continue to be awesome. Still battling Sean’s dermatitis, but we’ve got special food to see if it’s a food allergy, but it can take 4-6 weeks to see a difference and we’re only a week in. Let’s all keep our fingers crossed that it does confirm a food allergy and we can transition him to a non-prescription limited ingredient food.

Big plans for the rest of the weekend are: remember to eat, do some yoga, and try not to think too much about the election. (I suspect I’ll hit 2 of the 3.)

Enjoy the rest of the weekend!

I was so very happy to hear that the ILA union & USMX were able to come to enough of an agreement that they can suspend the strike until January 15th. I didn’t think the strike would go on long enough to actually seriously impact supply chains, but certainly more than just 3 days, but hey, I’ll take it.

Can’t help but think Biden saying he wasn’t going to intervene on behalf of USMX and saying he deosn’t believe in Taft-Hartley didn’t hurt. USMX had to be really damn disappointed in that, and I’m hoping that the head of the ILA, who is reportedly kinda of a MAGA dick, understands that Trump would have busted that union so fast it would make his head spin.

I am very pro-union and think strikes sometimes have to happen, and I will also admit I was cringing hard at the timing. Elections in weeks, Christmas just around the corner, photos of the IL A boss with Trump, etc, etc – it could have been a whole ass mess.

And then there was the panic buying. In this house, usually paper towels and toilet paper run out at the same time. (Weird, I know, it just works out that way.) But last week, we needed paper towels, but not toilet paper just yet, which was great, cause I get the big packages and they’re unwieldly as fuck. I was not thinking about the looming strike and Wednesday night as I added toilet paper to the grocery list, I just realized, “Fuuuuuuuuck, is there gonna be any on the shelves?”

The shelves had definitely taken a hit. But there was enough left I could sit and stare and try and figure out toilet paper math, aka how does 15 rolls equal 72 rolls, but 12 equals 80, and I so wanted to scream, “Not panic buying, it’s just time to buy toilet paper this week!”

I’ve joked about the panic buying, but if you did – it’s OK. Toilet paper won’t go bad, and you don’t have to buy it again for a while and if it made you feel a little more secure, it’s OK.

I don’t think you’re stupid, or silly, or uninformed. When you hear “supply chain disruptions” is your first thought really, “So, where does what I need come from and would it be coming through these east coast ports?” I think it’s far more likely it is, “Fucking hell, not again.”

When I saw pics & videos from places like Costco with the toilet paper and whatnot sold out, what I saw was an absolute fuckton of unprocessed trauma from 2020. I know as I stood there in the paper aisle with some unsettling empty spaces, I felt that ick in the pit of my stomach – same ick I felt in March of 2020 when I walked into the market and it was like locusts had come through.

So, if you were feeling like “Fuck, I let my guard down and here we fucking are again, I am not gonna get caught short again” – seems pretty normal to me. I know between watching the aftermath of hurricane Helene, and this strike, I’ve had some “damn, do I need to become a prepper?” thoughts floating through my head.

For now, take a deep breath. Maybe several. If you still feel like you need to stock up, take a slow, deliberate, and non-panicky look at your household supplies and pantry, and figure out what you might want to have some extras of that will make you feel a little more secure, and get them gradually. You don’t have to go drop a grand at the grocery store tomorrow. A couple extra cans of beans this week. An extra box of pasta next week. Another bottle of cleaning spray week after next.

If you need a few extras of some things to feel a little more secure, that’s OK. Just do your best to be calm about it. The supply chain disruptions of 2020 did a fair amount of mental damage to all of us, and I don’t think we realized those wounds weren’t really healed until we were looking at it happening again.

Be kind to yourself.

So, while I didn’t have a ton on tap this week, it was all predicated on semi-decent weather. Well, it’s going to rain FOR THE NEXT TEN DAYS.

I am SO salty, because originally I was supposed to be off last week, but moved it because of the work dumpster fire – and last week the weather was FINE. I know the weather is the weather and it’s not going to be 75 and sunny every day, BUT TEN FUCKING DAYS OF RAIN?

So, I’m trying to figure out how to salvage the week so I at least leave the house a few times without being completely soaked by the time I get to wherever. (DC day in the rain = decidedly unpleasant, I know this from experience.)

At least I have a few other Fridays off in October, so weather permitting, I can still get in a DC day and check out the botanical gardens. (Though I don’t know how garden-y they’ll be in the fall now that I think about it.)

I do have some holiday crafts I want to work on this week, but I just don’t want this to turn into a “catch up on housework” or “rot on the sofa” week. Granted, catching up on housework wouldn’t be the worst thing, and rotting on the sofa with the kitties is kinda nice – but, ya know, it’s PTO and I should be *doing* something with it.

And not only because I am on PTO this week, it’s legit really nice out there to boot! Got my coffee, been to the farmers market, and I’ve got Sean-A-Rama sitting happily between my feet. Pretty good day so far!

This fall’s staycation isn’t going to be quite the whirlwind that last year was, but it’s all good – nothing wrong with just chilling out a bit. There will be a DC day – just need to pick the museum, and I’m gonna check out one of the botanical gardens in the county, and a nice dinner somewhere. I also have a knitting project I want to get started on, and this is a good week to do it if I want it done by Christmas.

Invariably, the week before I go on PTO is an utter shitshow, and when round 2 of the dumpster fire reared it’s head Friday before last, I was in a wee bit of despair. But Monday morning I said I couldn’t help, cause I had multiple deadlines and round 1 of the dumpster fire had put me way behind on everything else.

Mind you, just saying that damn near gave me a panic attack, but no one was pissy, and consulting said they would help.* But because I spoke up for myself, I was able to get everything done that I needed to get done, and even got a little bit ahead of where I needed to be by the end of the day yesterday, and I didn’t even have to work 12 hour days to do it.

I did get pulled back into the dumpster fire for a bit yesterday with my dev & product manager for some brainstorming, but it was OK, because I was actually caught up on everything.

And I left on time, not stressed out, and had a great PTO kickoff with a field trip to the new Trader Joes that is SIX MINUTES FROM MY HOUSE!* I have loved this place since we were getting flyers from them back in the 80s even though there wasn’t a store anywhere nearby. It seemed so fancy and cool. And then I went to one – and it WAS fancy and cool – AND CHEAP! And now I have one right nearby!! And a freezer full of good stuff. Spent $60 that would have been near $100 at my regular market.

And according to my brother, TJ’s Green Chile Chicken bowl makes great tacos.

My furry buddies continue to be awesome. Jorge occasionally does try to assassinate me with love via flinging himself on me when I’m sleeping – fine until I inhale a lungful of fur, LOL. Sean has still got the itchybritches, and I talked with the vet yesterday and we’re doing another round of prednolisone. The first round was a really short course, and it helped, but it just wasn’t long enough to get him to the point where his little bumps were healed over. Thankfully we have the transdermal gel, he gets his meds and I don’t bleed. I’m also supplementing with the occasional half of a gabapentin – it also stops itching, works pretty quick, and isn’t enough to knock him out, whereas the pred is going to take a little while. (They are not contraindicated, I checked multiple sources.)

Little dude is just stuck in a cycle of “the bumps itch, he overgrooms them and they get kinda raw, they start to heal, they itch because they’re healing, he overgrooms, lather, rinse, repeat” – so if we can stop the itching while they get fully healed, we can hopefully stop the cycle.

The vet I talked to wasn’t the same one that first saw Sean & Jorge, and I loved that she was “Oh, this is a new friend you just brought home recently!” and I talked her ear off about how awesome he was doing outside of the dermatitis.

And here are some Caturday shots!

Not much else on tap for the day – I do need to hit up Walmart and see what they have in the way of fleece – need to make another long, skinny blanket to go in front of the sofa for the kitties, and see if I can make some kind of a cover for the bins Sean likes to sleep on. Sunday is looking like an “arts & crafts for cats” day.

Have a great weekend, tell your pets I said HI! and check your voter registration.

* Narrator: Apparently they were not in fact, very much help.
* Yes, I did just look on maps to confirm, LOL.

The week sure whipped by, which is fine for the workweek part of things, but NOT THE WEEKEND!!

But, at least I can say I didn’t fritter the weekend away – Mount Vernon fall market fair yesterday and it was lovely. Got some soaps, a notebook, a book, and lots of fresh air and exercise! The book is by Dr. Cynthia Kierner, who was one of my grad school professors, and is up for the George Washington book prize. Fingers crossed for her!

And I had the thought I always have when I am there: I do not understand how people who live on waterfronts do great things. I would spend every waking moment just sitting there staring at the water. Probably for the best that the closest thing I have to a water feature in my yard is the puddle that forms under the tree in the front yard when it rains.

This weekend’s flowers are more gerbera daisies – I’m glad I’ve made this a Sunday morning habit of grabbing a bunch of flowers at the grocery store.

Work is work and fine enough, but of course at 2:45 on Friday, support sends the dumpster fire from a couple weeks back over again – because they don’t have the time to do the analysis. Well, neither do I. Consulting was supposed to be helping on this, and there is gonna be a meeting on Monday where I have to very gently say, “No.”

The long and short of it is that I legit will not have the time to take this case over this week, and QC/Development just can’t be the solution to support’s chronic understaffing – we’re at capacity, too, and can’t create time where there is none. It’s one thing to help out when support is stuck, or has done the analysis and think something is wrong – we do it all the time – but we can’t be just taking over support cases – we’re not swimming in free time.

On a much brighter note, Sean and Jorge continue to be awesome. Sean is slowly but surely understanding he can go upstairs whenever he wants! He napped with me on the bed yesterday, and I woke up to him on the bed this morning! (I’ll admit, I did plunk him on the bed yesterday, but this morning, that was all on his own!)

These two make everything OK. Every day I can’t help but wonder how we got so lucky with these two.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend, and have a great week!