There’s part of me that is more than a little concerned this is going to turn me into a fucked up hoarder, and I don’t want that. But seriously, the only moment of true fear I’ve felt in all this was walking into the market last Friday night and seeing it cleared and just thinking “how can I feed my family if there is no food?”

Sure, my family is just me, my brother & Lily – but I never want to feel that again, even if it was momentary and I was able to pull myself together and get most of what we needed. So, I see some weird buying in my future for a little bit. (No buying out all stock or anything, just…you know what I mean.)

On a positive note, my brother says my vanilla lattes rival Starbucks! Go me!

On the whole, I feel pretty useless. I have no pandemic skills, and working doesn’t leave time to really help others. I’m throwing money at food banks and my folks in the service industry, but it feels weak, when it seems like so many regular people are REALLY helping. Work is especially weird since we’re just going about our business like any other day.

Once this is over, assuming I’m still employed – I’ll be redoubling my efforts to move. There’s just no real sense of community here for me – hasn’t been for a while, and this is highlighting it. (People aren’t being horrible, it’s just, I don’t know, it’s just weird and everyone is very disconnected from each other here.) But on the whole, looking out at the rest of the world, people are really good and I am very grateful to see that.

Speaking of employment – *that* is what has me worried right now. Not just for myself, but for everyone I know. And don’t know, for that matter.