At some point I figured out that I carry all the tension in my life in my shoulders and the back of my neck. It took a ridiculous amount of time to figure that out, but that is on par with figuring out a lot of other things in life. (And to think I was considered “gifted” as a youngster.)
For the last 3ish days, I swear, I have felt like someone threaded shoelaces between my shoulder blades and pulled them as tight as possible and then double knotted the bows just to be on the safe side.
Sure, I could schedule a massage somewhere and request that they pummel the daylights out of my shoulders and that would take care of the problem – temporarily. (I should do that anyway, even if it is a temporary fix.)
Note: This is where it may or may not have posted for a while last night. It still says “draft” as I’m writing this, but someone also managed to like the post this morning, so who knows. But it was a semi-good stopping point.
The problem is that I really can’t zero in on what’s bugging me. Which means that rather than any one overriding thing, it’s just the culmination of a whole bunch of stupid little things. The problem there is that I don’t know which stupid little thing to address first. Severe annoyance and knotted shoulders via 1000 paper cuts or something like that.
What sure as hell didn’t help was the police helicopter racing right over my house this morning at o-dark-thirty, scaring me out of a dead sleep. (The worst way to wake up.) Then I heard a car door close, thought it was the house door, then realized my brother was *not* home yet… Cue not being able to sleep for another 2 hours. To her credit, Carmen, my Prozac Princess got up on the bed and guarded my feet while I tried to go back to sleep. (Both cats greatly prefer their buckwheat pillow in the hallway at night, because they know I can’t accidentally kick them in the head there.)
So, the task for this week (along with unfucking the kitchen, gawd, what a disaster) is to figure out the biggest of the small things and deal with it. It’s rare that I miss my terrible habit days of working myself to exhaustion – but occasionally there is something to be said for being too tired to be stressed.
My little grey guardian: