Musings of a marginally sane feline-appreciating female.

Yeah, had to pull out the ol’ days count since we’re just 3 days shy of starting YEAR FUCKING FIVE of this goddamned pandemic. In a nod to tradition, I did pick up donuts today. And yes, I’m gonna be pissed off until the day I die about how our elected representatives on all sides of the aisle just abandoned us for any number of reasons.

I mean sure, I didn’t really know what I was expecting, first pandemic and all, I guess I just thought we’d all do a little, um, better? I didn’t expect so much WTF.

Work has been…interesting this week. We got a new CTO last year, I don’t think he’s a bad person, but he is just trying to do too much all at once, it’s “leadership by edict” and I think some of our big clients aren’t going to respond to his proposals the way he expects and I think we’re gonna have some ugly times ahead. The VP I work with so much is leaving (I firmly believe it is because of the CTO) and our CEO is moving to our parent company. They say they worked really hard to make sure that the incoming CEO is a culture fit, but given how the CTO is, I am wondering exactly what “culture” the new guy is a fit for. Ah well, if all else fails, have camera & feet, will open OF account.

Now, thanks to all that, this week I’ve had zero left mentally at the end of the day and have only managed the barest of bare minimums in the rest of my life. It was gonna be a whole reset weekend. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Somehow it is now 2PM on Sunday, LOL.

But I’ve got my comfy pants on, found my headphones, and I’m gonna get the critical stuff done, get my to-do list re-sorted and not worry about trying to “catch up” and then I can take time to steel myself for whatever nonsense the new week may bring.

You have a great afternoon and don’t let the bastards get you down.

* Yes, it’s still a pandemic. Yes, I am still voting for the D’s – I can be pissed and not vote for a fascist at the same time. Multitasking!

Had a birthday a few days ago and of course it got me thinking about how much change I’ve seen in the world in my life – the good, the weird, and the utter shit – and I don’t know that I’d believe myself on 99% of it.

• That Apple IIE computer with it’s TWO 5 1/4 disk drives and monochrome monitor that you’re having so much fun with? You’re going to have a computer you can put in your pocket which will be hundreds (IDK, thousands?) of times more powerful. And you’ll be able to watch a baseball game being played 2600 miles away on it.
• Thanks to that little computer and vastly improved communications in general, you’ll know more about what is going on in the world than you ever have. This is a double edged sword, cause there is a lot of shit out there.
• Still haven’t nailed peace in the Middle East. It’s a cycle of improvement and then goes to shit. Well, it’s kinda that way everywhere – they kinda forget to tell you in school that the US is quite the destabilizing force around the world.
• There is so much shit they’re not teaching you in school. SO MUCH. It’s easy to think America is reasonably good when they skip the bad stuff. When you do find out about the bad stuff, it’s gonna hit hard and hurt, but you’ll be better for knowing it.
• You will use geometry and low level algebra in life. Everything after that? Not once.
• The Republican party will go from being garden variety shitbirds to full on genocidal fascist maniacs – like, really damn scary people.
• The Democrats will continue try and make improvements and be good at getting in their own way, but they’ll also become a damn wholly owned subsidiary of Corporate America.
• Neither party will take criticism particularly well.
• Both will gaslight the fuck out of you.
• You’ll still end up a Democrat, cause fuck the fascists.
• One of those fascist psychos became President and probably will do it again.
• Capitalism suuuuuuuucks.
• HIV/AIDS will go from being a certain death sentence, to a chronic condition manageable with meds. (But not before the Reagan administration basically says “fuck the gay community” so it will take a while.)
• There will be another big, ugly, worldwide pandemic and it will not go well AT ALL.
• Jimmy Carter. He’s just started working with Habitat for Humanity – he’s is gonna be the most amazing former President. Like, absolutely fucking amazing.
• We pretty much did away with acid rain, and that hole in the ozone layer got fixed, which is pretty cool. But, the environment is still really hurting and fucking oil companies are blaming YOU – despite individuals doing more to protect the environment than they ever have – it’s just not enough to make up for corporate and governmental pollution.
• Terrorism. You’re already familiar with the concept, but it’s gonna start hitting at home and in more than a few cases, the call is going to be coming from inside the damn house.
• Tattoos! You know how they’re kinda just for sailors and bikers and ne’er-do-wells? They’re for everyone now and no big deal.
• You’ll have purple and silver hair. It’s fuckin’ sick, kiddo.
• Outside of the awesome hair, you’re not gonna function super well outside of work. You’re gonna spend a lot of time thinking you’re a failure over it – but you’re not. Your brain just doesn’t work like other folks, and it’s gonna take you a really long time to figure that out – but once you do, things start to get a little better. The reason you’re OK at work is because your work suits your brain and you’re terrified of being homeless. (See: Capitalism.) Looking back, I don’t even know how you managed school so well.
• There is gonna be a Black President. He won’t be perfect, but he cares about the country. You won’t believe how angry the Republicans will get over the fact that this man exists and people like him enough to elect him.
• There will be cats!!
• There is also gonna be a fuckton of trauma that you won’t actually recognize as trauma until well after the fact, cause you’ve kinda been raised on “Well, shit happens and we muck through it.”
• The Supreme Court is totally fucking useless and corrupt. lt’s not good.
• Oh, you’re not straight.
• Know how the Republicans are very anti-USSR? Uh, not so much anymore. It’s weird.
• The American culinary landscape is going to be pretty fucking awesome. You’re gonna eat a LOT of really good food and try lots of new things. (You’ll never really develop a taste for sushi though, ebi is pretty much your limit there.) And so many taco options.
• No flying cars, but we do have exploding hoverboards, so, um, that’s something?
• Did I mention the cats?

Like, I swear it was just Sunday of last week. Been a quick week for sure, but also fuck all tiring – sort of a mild general life malaise. Ya know, a wee touch of the morbs.*

No one thing, just a bit of everything. Worries about the LilyMonster – who is doing well and eating like a small horse – some corporate gaslighting at work**, and all the damn freaking news, very little of which seems to be good. Oh and I had a dentist appointment Friday and they had the audacity to NOT reschedule at the last minute.

Just one of those weeks where I got very little done outside of work and wasn’t really good at the whole looking after myself. I spent yesterday numbing myself with Mexican food and Instagram reels. Not ideal, but better than drugs or getting blackout drunk, right? Plus I have even more recipes saved that I’ll probably never make, LMAO.

So, today needed to be a reset day. Off to a slightly bumpy start cause it rained a bit last night, then the temps plummeted, and when I went to get coffee, my car door was frozen shut. Remote start for melting FTW.

Got past that, got the car gassed up and washed, and hit the market. Got home and got into comfy pants and it was off to the races. Music on, daily and weekly to-do’s all done and sorted. Sunday is the kitchen day and it is much shinier now. Did my damn yoga, which I’d not done all week and it felt SO GOOD. Then a long hot shower and washed my hair.

Yo, brain, please remember how nice this feels to clear the to-do list and do the yoga, OK? Please?

And now I can just chill the rest of the day and not have my brain screaming at me to Get Things Done.

You enjoy the rest of the weekend.

*Got the morbs is the a fantastic bit of Victorian slang that really needs to come back and I am doing my part.
** Corporate gaslighting is something I’m totally used to, but this was just a bit more “Wow, you really do think we’re stupid” than usual.

I don’t say this with any snark – just more frustration and bewilderment than anything.

Like, did you decide that taking precautions was “living in fear”? Just a YOLO thing? Is it because the news isn’t talking about it at all anymore? Because health departments barely mention it anymore?* Because what little guidance coming from the CDC is basically “fuck it, no one listens to us anyway”? Is your risk tolerance just really high?

Seeing someone else in a mask when I’m out and about is a fucking rarity anymore, and pretty much everything I do is a shit-ton of risk calculations.

Yesterday I had to drop off my car at the service station, and we put in an online order for food to pickup and for whatever reason, the restaurant didn’t respond, the order got canceled (I got a text en route) and so we decided to eat in, but only because it was 4PM on a Sunday, they were at about 25% capacity, we could choose seats well away from others, the place has high ceilings and lots of fans, etc, etc. Just so much fucking mental math just to sit down and eat. (The last time I ate indoors, I can’t even remember.)

And on the other side of the restaurant, there was a party of folks all jammed together and pretty much on top of each other for a birthday. Sure, maybe they’ve all been super diligent everywhere else in their lives so they *can* do this, which would be great! But, um, yeah. And then in Starbucks this morning, six folks jammed up around one table – WITH A FUCKING INFANT.

I guess this on top of seeing multiple folks I know this week going, “Hey, look at us at this crowded indoor event!” was just a bit much, while I’m desperately hoping I’m not putting anyone else at massive risk just to sit down and eat.

I know – trust me, I KNOW – how much of a toll Covid has taken on everyone’s mental health. Isolation, canceling plans, saying no to so many things, constant risk assessments – it’s so much. But what’s been worse for me, is watching people decide they just don’t give a shit anymore about themselves or anyone else.

I know it’s not everyone – but it is just So Many People, and for whatever reason, it’s hitting hard this week.

ETA: I know that disabled folks have to do risk assessments/cancel plans/say no 6 days a week and twice on Sunday – I know my experience here is not unique, I’m just needing to get my feelings out about it.

* Even my own state health department, which had been pretty good – the website is starting to break down to lack of maintenance and the latest data download is 20 days out of date. Maddening.

Yes, I know there is a Big Game today, and I don’t really care about either team, but I hope Taylor Swift has a really fun time. (And watching the manchildren lose their shit about her enjoying watching her boyfriend play sports this season has been fucking hilarious. And pathetic, but really hilarious.)

But Big Game day means my brother is off at his friends house and girly is making salmon for dinner!* I think it will be pan fried in butter & wine with some garlic herb seasoning all over it, and some roasted potatoes on the side. I also have some mini crabcakes, and of course I’ll be making some Cheesy Ranch Bacon dip, cause, Big Game day.**

And I did get myself over to the Korean chicken place yesterday and picked up some bulgogi and decided to try the sticky ribs, too – 10/10, amazing, no notes. SO GOOD. Makes me wish I’d known how good this place was sooner.

Also, thanks to Lunar New Year and putting the housework on pause yesterday to keep whatever luck I’ve got from escaping the house – I had a really nice chill day of eating, reading and napping. It also made me realize I need to re-jigger my to-do list so I have a couple “just do the basic stuff” days in the week. So, Saturdays and Wednesdays are gonna be nice low effort days. I’ve been really consistent with things around here, but I can also feel household burnout coming along, so this should help.***

And on that note, I’m gonna go Get Shit Done so I can kick back and enjoy the afternoon and my seafood and potatoes and chips & dip.

You have a fantastic day!

* Little bro is not a salmon fan. I feel bad about doing actual cooking of things he doesn’t like, even though he is fully capable of cooking anything for himself, and does! He’s even said, “Seriously, make what you want!” but it’s some weird hospitality block I have or something. So, salmon waits for an empty house.

** I know I can make it whenever I want. But my brain loves to get hung up on dumb things, like “chip & dip is for a special occasion” because brains are dumb.

*** Look at me recognizing burnout on the horizon and doing something about it rather than drilling myself into the ground!!

Honestly, everything I read and hear about Lunar New Year sounds so much more fun than the regular calendar new year. Dancing lions, great food, red envelopes, and cool shit like it being the year of the freakin’ DRAGON. And it goes on for two weeks! So, if you’re celebrating – have a fantastic time!!

As for myself, while I’m not Asian, I won’t be sweeping or taking the trash out today and the roombas are turned off – no need to risk sweeping out what little luck I may have for the year.* Also glad I saw that porridge for breakfast is a no-go – chipotle cheddar grits can wait a wee bit. 

I’d been pondering about getting some dumplings and trying out the bulgogi from the local Korean chicken spot today, not even thinking about Lunar New Year – now it seems extra appropriate! (And I’m suddenly wondering if everyone else will have the same idea – maybe this should be a late lunch.)

And hey, Lunar New Year is another chance to start fresh! Love that.

Have a fantastic day.

*I know what you’re thinking: “Pfft, you just don’t want to do housework today.” No, I need to keep any luck in the house. Also, YOU DON’T KNOW ME. 🤣

I mean, I knew the cat *treat* market was delightfully out of control, but the LilyMonster has prescription food and there are a whopping 4 options for her wet food, so I’m never really looking at food options for her at the market.

She can run hot & cold on the wet food, which isn’t an issue, cause she also has dry food she eats. Then some genius at Science Diet decided to change the dry food and she is a bit “Fuck That” – and she needs to eat.* 

So, I’ve ordered a different flavor/texture on her wet food that we’ve gotten before when her usual is out of stock that she has liked in the past. Went to the market and got a handful of Fancy Feast cans to hold her over until the order arrives – she’s a big fan of their treat options, so I figured stick with what we know.

HOLY CRAP BATMAN, THERE ARE TOO MANY OPTIONS. There is Fancy Feast. There is Fancy Feast Gourmet Naturals. There is Fancy Feast Medleys. There is Fancy Feast Petites.

I think I ended up with one of everything, LOL. So far, her favorites are the Gourmet Naturals Beef Pate, and the Salmon Pate. She WHOMPED through those. I really would have thought she’d like the stuff that looks more like actual food, but no. It was a hard no on the – I shit you not – Beef Ragu in a Savory Sauce with Pasta. That stuff actually smelled GOOD and she was, “Nah, not for me.” 

It. Had. Pasta. In. It.

* No worries, she has been eating, even before I found myself standing slack-jawed in the cat food aisle – I know that not eating can cause liver damage and is not good with her kidney issues. She would happily live on Fancy Feast appetizers & broth packets, but she doesn’t understand it’s not a proper diet. Her Ocean Fish Pate just arrived and I’m sure she’ll enjoy it given that it has zero resemblance to food.

Given that it was 19º when I left the house to hit the market & Starbucks, those temps are just rocketing up!! My heavy winter coat did it’s job wonderfully this morning. We’ll get up to freezing if we’re lucky today, but we do have very clear and sunny skies, so that’s something – hopefully the sun will be enough to get the ice melt going on the couple spots I had to hit on the driveway this morning. 😬

I saw people out exercising this morning. Good for y’all! And also, oh no baby, what are you doing? It’s so cold out, your boogers are gonna freeze! But I will admit, even though I was only out and about for a few minutes, that it does make the inside feel SOOOOOO wonderfully warm when you get back in.

Gotta brag on myself for a moment – yesterday I got my house stuff done and office stuff done and didn’t use either as a procrastination device for the other! I also got two nice clear examples of the app I’m working on being all squirrely for my dev to look at on Monday, woohoo!

Speaking of office work, I saw that “knowledge workers average about 3 hours of productive work a day” bit bouncing around again this week – I did more digging on it, and it’s still not totally clear to me if folks are running out of shit to do, or are running out of brainpower – but it seems more the brainpower side of things. Where the fuck are these 3 hour jobs?? I average between 1-2 hours of admin time/non-lunch-breaks over a day and I am full tilt the rest of the time, and honestly, if I eased up on that, I’m pretty sure my ass would be fired. It does explain why I’m usually mentally fried by the end of the day. (Oh, and in support? We had to be ON all 8 hours – and they wonder why there is burnout.)

And on a productivity note, it’s time to go tackle the house stuff so I can enjoy the remains of the weekend. Only one “Ugh, do I *have* to?” on the list, and that is cleaning Lily’s water fountain. It needs to be hand washed, which isn’t hard, but even with an anti-fatigue mat at the sink, my body HATES standing still like that. But – anything for the LilyMonster. 🥰

Have a fantastic day, and STAY WARM!