Musings of a marginally sane feline-appreciating female.

And not a moment too soon, cause my stress levels are a bit on the high side, and I fear I’ve been on the snippy at work, so an extended break is not a bad idea.

Though, I can’t imagine why I’d be at all stressed, it’s not like we’re staring into a black hole of not knowing WTF is going to happen in this country other than it is probably gonna be bad, with the bonus of our CEO making a few somewhat boneheaded comments that left me going, “Dude, WTF?” (Nothing bad, just very tone deaf.)

Life with President Elon is super fun so far. We’ve got 30 some odd hours to avert a government shutdown because that unelected jackass won’t shut up and just mind his own business, and he probably thinks this is all fucking hilarious.

Proof positive that the existence of billionaires is a policy failure.

I really, REALLY need the Furry Hacker Mafia, Techie K-Pop fans, and Techie Swifties to clear out all his accounts and break all his toys. He needs to be sad and broke. And the inevitable infighting that is going to make Trump throw him under a bus cannot come soon enough.

Then we have dipshit Rand Paul floating the idea of Musk as Speaker of the House, with some on the left going, “Do it! Just make everything awful to prove the point!” So much for principals of harm reduction, I guess.

This level of uncertainty is…a lot. I don’t really know how to describe it, but damn, I spent the bulk of my formative years under the constant threat of nuclear annihilation and honestly, that was less stressful than this.

I keep reminding myself that my situation is reasonably stable, and though I am a woman (big strike these days) – I am at least past childbearing age. I have two awesome cats. I have good family & friends who are like-minded. I can help people. I can continue to yell at my elected representatives. (Even today!)

Treading that thin line between trying to be prepared without catastrophizing is a challenge, though.  But I’ll get there, and this time off will be good for continuing to figure things out.

And at least I have this:

And for me, that means going to the local dispensary and getting my medical cannabis card today. I’m not really a weed gal – I average one joint about every 15 years, but I’m feeling like having legal access to edibles with regulated quantities of the good stuff may not be the worst idea given what is coming.

I have a dear friend who works in mental health who I would trust with my life, and he wholeheartedly endorses legal maryjane – he says as far as he is concerned, it’s the best thing out there for the “AHHHGGHHHHHH!” that is our current hellscape.

And in other fun capitalist hellscape stuff, this week we had our quarterly all hands, combined with some holiday activities and a happy hour at the office – perfectly nice gesture, but I passed on going into the office for a myriad of reasons, the biggest one being, “I have work to do and I no longer have control over my fucking face when folks say things.” And then folks got shit stolen from the office during the party. Hella endorsement for getting folks to come into the office for any reason.

Later today it’s off to one last Christmas market for the season, because I LOVE A CHRISTMAS MARKET! And this one is legit 5 minutes from the house, and there will be a bake sale to support a local historic landmark to boot! So really, it’s a community support activity. 🥰

After pretty much ignoring the cat shelf turned into Christmas shelf, Sean decided he wanted to be part of the Christmas decor – such a handsome lad! (I want to put him in a green and red plaid bow tie SO BADLY.)

And Eclectech over on Mastodon has been putting Santa hats on folks’ pets and LOOK HOW ADORABLE SEAN AND JORGE ARE!!

Then I gotta figure out how much Christmas stuff I need to do.  The great thing is that I’ve gotten presents ahead of time this year.  But I’m not totally sure where everything is, LMAO.

Short week coming up, yay!  Cause I’m definitely gonna need those extra days to get ready for the holiday.

Enjoy your weekend and hang in there.

So, by now I think most folks have heard about the CEO of United Health Care being killed in the middle of the day in NYC. And given that UHC is notorious for denying insurance claims – 32%, highest in the industry – and made 22 billion with a B in PROFITS last year – there wasn’t exactly an outpouring of sadness.

And I’ll be honest, when I heard the news, I had very mixed emotions and one thought was, “Kinda surprised this didn’t happen sooner.”

And then in the most spectacular example of tone deafness I’ve seen in a while, the interim CEO says, “We have to guard against unnecessary care.” Dude, THAT is your takeaway? But I suppose it tracks with the rest of the industry deciding that between doing some real introspection or just taking down leadership pages on websites, they decided hiding was the right answer.

The BBC was pretty spot on with this headline: Killing of insurance CEO reveals simmering anger at US health system. Though the push notification I got from them was “rage” vs “anger” – and frankly, rage is more accurate.

I don’t think this is a one-off. I think we may be seeing the start of a reckoning here in the United States.

Everyone has a breaking point – and I think a lot more folks are a lot closer to it since the election, and the realization is setting in that as far as these CEO’s and billionaires that bought the election are concerned, we’re nothing. Just figures in their little Sims game, to continue to be sacrificed at the altar of profits & shareholder value. And maybe the problem isn’t the day laborers outside the Home Depot, but instead the CEO’s and billionaires who are making it impossible for people to survive.

It’s not like we have the courts anymore, not that they were much good before – it’s not like anyone really has the resources go up against these assholes when they hurt people.

So yeah, I think we’re going to start seeing more extrajudicial actions from people who have hit the point where they have nothing to lose. And I don’t think the 1% have any idea how many of them are out there.

Cause it’s a LOT. At least I have today off work. I’m old, Thanksgiving weekend is busy and tiring, so yeah, an extra day it is.

The firehose of news continues to be exhausting. Biden pardoned his son, and I get it, the incoming admin probably would have continued to go after him. And of course, the media is BREATHLESSLY reporting on the Republican pearl clutching, as though nothing like this has ever, ever happened. And to any Democrats scolding Biden, FUCK YOU, cause if you think Trump won’t fucking come after you or your family, you’re delusional.

Also had the fairly craptastic realization that for my lifetime, electing Harris would likely be the last chance we had to make things better in this country. I’m pretty sure the Republicans are gonna fuck shit up SO badly, it’s going to take generations to fix it.

Then we have Syria apparently deciding they don’t want to be left out of all the war fun over on that side of the world. I’m not completely up on what is happening, but the Russians are bombing Syrian cities again, I assume to keep Assad in power, and Assad is blaming the west for things popping off again, because of course.

There is a reason I have ESPN on more than anything these days. Also, quite impressive that I’ve not spent every day since the election fuck all blackout drunk, or gotten on any Teams meeting and screamed “WHO THE FUCK HERE PUT THAT JACKASS IN OFFICE AGAIN?” Go me! (Still absolutely entering my villian era, though.)

In more entertaining things, the Gävle Goat still stands – sure, I think it probably has to burn because there are old gods that need to be appeased, but I’d like to see it last at least until Christmas. Maybe we do a Boxing Day burndown? I don’t know why I’m so fascinated with the Swedish goat, but I am. (Last year, I was “oh yay, it survived!” Oh no, it needed to burn, I see that now.)

And in an attempt to keep my spirits up, I took a fused glass class this weekend, and it was a ton of fun – 3 hours of hyperfocusing on something creative and hooboy did I need it. And holy shit, snowflakes are hard and I cannot visualize a 60 degree angle to save my life. No idea how they’ll even look after firing, but I already signed up for two more classes – votive candle holders and suncatchers. So, the world isn’t allowed to end for a couple more months, because I paid in advance for these classes. Below are the pre-fired snowflakes. (Yes, the blue on is absolutely turtle shaped.)

And Sean & Jorge continue to be sweet and goofy and generally awesome.

Though things are quite shit, yet again, there are things to look forward to and fight for. Cats. Art. People. Good food. Sticking it to The Man.

I’m sad, tired, and kinda depressed, but I’m also angry enough to not totally give up.

And reason #387 why it was a Very Good Idea to get a pre-seasoned turkey for the day – I managed to have NO alarms set this morning. Woke up once around 8:30 for about 3 seconds and was out like a light until 10 AM. Oops.

The cheese & charcuterie is out and awesome.

I’m thankful for my very small family, my awesome kitties, and my friends – IRL and online scattered all over the world. I’m thankful for all the new doggos visiting the neighborhood this week. Thankful that I’ve got a reasonable amount of health points left, a decent enough job, and did I mention the awesome kitties?

Wherever you are, have a wonderful day.

Thought I was doing OK-ish, but I’m also realizing my stress/anxiety/rage are basically right back where they were 2016-2020 and that jackass hasn’t even taken office yet. I know his first term shortened my lifespan, I feel like I’ll be lucky to not keel over at some point in the second term.

Oh, and the media outlets breathlessly reporting that they’re implementing Project 2025, even though 45 disavowed it! No shit, sherlock, 45 lied! He lies constantly! How do you not fucking know this yet? Oh, his cabinet appointments are all abhorrent trash? You’re surprised?!

IDK, maybe the media shouldn’t have treated him like he was just a senile, racist grandpa that no one wants to be around at Thanksgiving and actually reported on his actual fucking plans so folks weren’t googling “what is a tariff” and “what is project 2025” immediately after the election.

Like, how hard would have been for any major media outlet to say, “If these policies go through, people will get hurt and the cost of survival will go through the fucking roof. Because unless the product you buy has a supply chain that is 100% in the US AND that supply chain doesn’t involve any labor targeted for mass deportation, you’re just fucked. And people you supposedly care about are going to be hurt, because they’ll be targeted for who they are, denied health care, get laid off, and any other number of shit things.”

But Harris’ policies weren’t presented in a pleasing enough font or some shit.

Still cycling through all the emotions. Repeatedly. Whole damn washing machine of feelings. Anger, sadness, hurt, confusion, disbelief, determination, and a slew of others.

And my post-election analysis is as follows: Racism and misogyny on the right. Racism, misogyny, and general dumbassery on the left. I just don’t think it goes much deeper than that. I’m pissed at white men, and I’m even more pissed at white women, and fuck if I know how to make them change their tune.

Much like when Covid hit, I suspect I’ll be writing more. Coping, processing, ranting, repeating myself, etc. Just be warned, LOL.

Coping so far:

• Reached out to a friend who is understandably hurting to make sure she knows she’s not alone, and sent a little gift.
• Started weekly donations to groups who I think will need help. Will be rotating through the food bank, a local LGBTQ+ youth support group, Whitman Walker Clinic, and the animal shelter. Food for the folks & pets that will need it if the economy goes to shit, support for the LGBTQ+ community that will always need it, but even moreso now. Pretty sure these will be my lanes going forward.
• Figured out how to make non-breaded baked chicken breasts that aren’t dry as fuck, and they were awesome. (In times of crisis, we need to eat.)
• Lots of cuddling the cats.

I’ve decided to treat work as a distraction that pays me. I know, “But capitalism and authoritarianism wants you distracted!” But it’s not the same kind of distraction, and this distraction keeps me from despair, and again, pays me, and I can use that money to help others.

When that clicked today, it felt like I’d 100% turned the tables on my employer. But for the love of god, don’t tell them that, if they realize I’m using my 8 hours a day of fiddly spreadsheet time as some fucked up therapy, they’re gonna start charging me for it.

Saw an otherwise fairly sane and knowledgable person going on about “Well, they can’t do things without due process!” The fuck they can’t – due process is the best case scenario, here. And the courts being as fucked as they are, probably the most we can hope for is to slow some things down. But, we help who we can, slow down anything and everything we can, and do the best we can. Some days our best won’t be enough, but some days it will, and we’ll keep going and keep trying.

To do all of this, we also need to stay functional, which will range from the absolutely mundane – sleep, eat well, exercise – to things that will feel downright selfish – stepping back from the news, having fun, creating art, enjoying nice things. But, we gotta be functional to be helpful.

And those are my rambles at the end of this back-to-work-after-a-holiday-weekend Tuesday.

I will not let myself fall into despair, but I also don’t want to go down the toxic positivity path either, so I’m here trying to find a happy medium on how to channel my feelings.

Great post over on Mastodon today from Mekka Okereke:

Black joy isn’t just us having fun. It’s a literal weapon of survival. Seriously!

It sucks that Black people are so good at surviving fascist Americans that wish us harm. But we are. We’re kind of the world’s leading experts on this.

I see lots of folks talking about how to prepare for what’s coming. I’m not saying those preparations are bad, but a lot of it is US-style rugged individualism.

My advice: Find your community. Strengthen those bonds. And find your sources of joy!

This is absolutely excellent advice. Just spot on. Cause you know what Republicans hate? Joy. Because they’re a bunch of self-loathing miserable fucks and want everyone to be as miserable as they are. Joy *confounds* them.

And joy isn’t blissful ignorance or pretending everything is OK.* It puts us in a better place to move forward and help others. It keeps us from despair.

Community can be trickier, especially if the overarching message you got your entire life was “The American Way is to do everything on your own and if you need help, you’re a failure.” Those of us of A Certain Age still remember the virulent backlash to Hillary Clinton saying “It takes a village to raise a child” in 1996. (At the time I really should have been asking “What is *wrong* with these folks?” but I was 24 and dumber than a sack of hammers.)

And those folks who were telling us that individualism was the only way were also teaching us that anarchy was unadulterated chaos, with lots of things on fire, and somehow, cats & dogs living together.  Buy anarchy isn’t about chaos, it’s about *community*.  Let’s get some anarchy up in this bitch.

And it’s all going to look different for everyone, but this has been my day so far in my attempts to Annoy Republicans By Existing And Not Being Miserable:

• Cuddled the kitties. Because Childess Cat Lady is still not an insult!
• Farmer’s Market. Fresh air, exercise, nice people, and I am supporting small local businesses run by all kinds of different people. It is a joyful place for me.
• Commiserated for a few minutes with my favorite baker. It was good to talk about it face to face with someone. (And we didn’t need blue bracelets to know we could talk about it.**)
• Bought fresh vegetables. When Michelle Obama said “Hey, veggies are good for kids” and the R’s just lost their shit – I realized they *hate* vegetables. I don’t understand how the party doesn’t have scurvy and/or rickets. I like to believe that every time I buy a nice salad mix, some random Republican has some weird mystery stabbing pain and has no idea why.
• Signed up for a fused glass class at the arts center at the end of the month. This is a step in looking for like minded folks. (Covid has really upped the difficulty on this stuff.)
• Marked my calendar for when the winter block class registrations open so I can see if there are other multi-week classes.
• Signed up for TransSanta.

They’re small things, but they will keep me going.

* Though if you find yourself needing to take a day and just pretend everything is OK for your sanity, that’s OK. Sometimes we need to do that for ourselves.
** White ladies: We are NOT doing blue bracelets. Absolutely not. It’s meaningless performative bullshit. Just help people.

Well, that was certainly a kick in the teeth. Gawd, this country hates women. 71 million, plus another 10 million that just didn’t show up. I hope those folks get the lives they deserve.

BECAUSE GOD FORBID WE LET THE BLACK LADY TRY AND MAKE OUR LIVES A LITTLE EASIER.

I’m angry and sad and hurt and fucking hell, my country betrayed me yet fucking again. And I know that folks in marginalized communities feel this every damn day of their lives. Honestly, I don’t know why we haven’t burned this whole place to the ground yet.

If you’re not white in the US and you feel all white folks need to be on your “Do Not Trust” list, I don’t blame you one bit. Hell, I’m white and I’ve got about 99% of the white population on that list.

And if someone tells me to wear a blue bracelet or knit a hat and stand around in the street, my response will be in the range of “fuck off” to “punch in the throat.” Not looking forward to the opposition grifters that will inevitably come out of the woodwork.

I’ll be honest, I have very few specific memories of the last term, because trauma fucks with your memory big time. I just remember a fucking constant firehose of horrors. I do still have the list of organizations where you could put your money I posted about 4 years ago.

But I think I’m going to need to find more small, local orgs that will need help. The local food bank comes to mind first. But of course, if this tariff shit goes through, more folks are gonna need help and the rest of us will have less money to do so given that just about everything is gonna cost more, and our income taxes will probably go up, too.

If you’ve decided you need to get out of the country and can swing it – do it. I sure has hell won’t judge you for it. I’ll be sad and angry that it has come to this, but I won’t judge you. Don’t think it hasn’t crossed my mind multiple times leading up to this week.

I don’t know what is going to happen, but I’m pretty sure it won’t be good. I think this time we’re going to see people fight back with violence, and I’ll be hard pressed to condemn it. (I know that does not make me a good person.)

For now, though, I’m just putting together a to-do list.

• Clean the house. I’m calmer when it’s clean and I definitely need that.
• Get forms to renew passport. (Not going anywhere, it’s just good to have.)
• Find local orgs that I can help.
• Get back on my yoga & walking bullshit, cause my mental health is gonna need it.
• Win lottery, leave country, take folks with me.

Let all those feelings you’re having just flow on through – no burying it! Great thing I saw today: Congrats on not letting your feelings become felonies!

Do what you can when you can. Take care of yourselves and those around you.

Lots of bread and comfort food purchased at the farmers market this morning, but I’m sure it’s completely unrelated. (They had stuffing bread. Yes, I now have a loaf of stuffing bread.)

Stopped by the county D’s booth and the phrase “nauseously optimistic” came up yet again – such a perfect phrase for how we’re all feeling. It’s not often I’m happy for the Dodgers to win the World Series, but the last time they did, Trump lost, so, yay Dodgers?

The county GOP booth had a trash can in front of it with a sign that said, “We are not garbage.” Oh, I’m sorry, is it hurtful when people call you names?

We’re still undoing the damage from one Trump term. If he wins again, I will not live long enough to see the additional damage undone. Every male Trump voter needs to be asked “who is going to take care of your children or grandchildren when your wife or daughter is dead from a lack of proper medical care?” Because as far as the R’s are concerned, the only good woman is a dead one.

Unless you are a very rich, white, “Christian” male, nothing about Trump being back in office will bring you (or any of us) any good.

Will a Harris/Walz administration ever be progressive enough for me? Probably not. Will the Democrats continue to drive me up a wall most of the time? Very likely. Do I think Harris & Walz genuinely care about the people in this country and actually want to try to make things a little easier for ALL of us? Absolutely.

I had zero reservations voting for them.

I really hope my fellow white women suck it up and do the same, lying to family if needed. Seriously, act shocked if Harris wins if you have to, but please, please, do not fuck us all – and yourself – over again.

We cannot go back.