I need a thesaurus for new words for awful, there is no debating that this is all awful.

But living through it all is just really, really strange. Just whipsawing between the day-to-day stuff, and trying to stop the fall of the republic.

Yesterday, I had to go to the outlet mall to buy jeans – boring and unimportant, but I needed pants – and during lunch I see the President has put out a statement indicating he has no intention of staying within the bounds of the law and/or a hella call to violence, depending on how you read it.

Nothing like one moment being pleased that you branched out style-wise with your new jeans, then looking at your phone while taking a bite of your sandwich and then thinking, “Um, I am not sure this ends the way the President thinks it will.” Followed almost immediately by discovering that folks involved in nuclear weapons security were fired and now they want them back but don’t know how to find them. But I also needed to finish my lunch, because damn, I was hungry.

Then there is work, where you’d never EVER know anything was going on outside the company walls, despite the fact that over half the US employees are under threat by their own government. This while drafting notes for calls to my fed reps, and letters to my state/county/local folks asking, “So, what happens when the federal government fails?” while also not forgetting that client meeting at 3, and not screaming at anyone.

Then it’s “I really need to polish & waterproof my black flats, and the water stick things in the houseplants need to be switched out, and oh look, DOGE has posted classified information on an insecure public facing website.”

And invariably, at least once a day someone posts, “Well, whatever you think you would have been doing in Germany in the 30’s, you’d better be doing it now.” Fuck me, I don’t know what I would have done then and I am not really sure I know what I should be doing now, but at least I know donating to the food bank & the LGBTQIA+ youth group helps *someone* because nothing else is working.

Plus, do not fall into despair every time you read that your reps don’t look at written comms (which is ableist as fuck and makes our reps inaccessible) and your phone call won’t mean much because you don’t have a “story” because you haven’t been punched in the face by this administration *yet* and just caring very deeply about the hurt and harm somehow isn’t particularly compelling. But definitely do not despair.

As I try to process the chaos and figure out how to fight back, all the mundane stuff goes on, because it has to – clean the litter box, make sure the bills get paid, don’t forget to eat, and topple the government with a cheery fighting face. Bonus: Whatever you’re doing, someone will gleefully tell you that you’re doing it all wrong.

IT’S FUCKING WEIRD, RIGHT?